Two Men Walked into a Bar
by ralph the wonder bunny
Summary: Mal and another familiar face meet in a bar on a nameless planet. Firefly crossover.
1. Chapter 1: Meetings

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything.

Two Men Walked into a Bar.

Malcolm Reynolds walked down a short flight of stairs and into the cavernous space below. The lights seemed to flicker as he entered. The room's inhabitants favoured him with brief stares before returning to their business. The lights flickered again. A small man strode toward him, his eyes blazing with purpose. He looked Mal up and down before shoving him out of the way and kicking a grey and sparking box attached to the wall.

"Damn generator," he mumbled, "that's the last time I buy something off the back of a guys boat." He looked at Mal with an air of suspicion, "What can I help you with?"

Mal looked down at the man and turned on the charm. "I have a small ship and a small crew and we were lookin' for some work. I heard that this fine establishment was the place to come for that sort of business."

The man snorted his disdain and headed back toward the bar. Mal followed at a distance, slowly surveying the patrons, trying to decide who would be most likely to need something moved. He found a seat at the bar and sat there, planning his next move.

"I can't help it Princess," a voice sounded from the doorway, "If she won't go, we can't go, understand?" The voice was overly casual with a hint of annoyance.

The voice that floated back wasn't hinting. "So you're going to fix it by going into a bar?"

"I have my ways Princess." The conversation ended in a scream of frustration from the female accompanied by a similar noise from the male as he entered the building. He swaggered across the floor, oblivious to the dozens of eyes following him and took the seat next to Mal.

"I hear you're having some troubles with your ship," Mal commented.

"You heard right pal," the man answered.

Mal nodded slightly, "I've got the best mechanic in the 'verse on my crew, she don't come cheap mind, but she'd get you flyin' again soon enough."

The strangers look hardened, "I'm sure she would, but I don't trust strangers with my ship." Mal sagged slightly, having lost the opportunity to earn some money. "Besides," the stranger continued "I have a perfectly capable mechanic working on her right now." A dull thud accompanied by a plaintive moan floated in from outside. The stranger looked panicked, Mal smirked.

"He sounds very capable," Mal commented.

The stranger ignored the sarcasm, "Oh, he is. Gotten her out of worse scrapes than this, I can assure you."

"So you've had trouble before?"

"Oh, you know," he said casually, leaning back on his stool, "the line of work I'm in can be mighty dangerous."

Again Mal smirked, "And what line of work might that be?"

"I transport valuable and much sort after goods to their rightful destination."

"So you're a smuggler."

The stranger looked hurt, "You make it sound s cheap and nasty. Its a lot more honourable than that." Mal continued to smirk at him. "And what line of work would you be involved in?"

Mal's face took on the expression of a cornered rodent, "Oh you know, a very important and dangerous one."

The stranger raised his eyebrows, "Smuggling, huh?"

"Or whatever else might be going at the time."

The stranger's face registered recognition at his comment. "Is that what you're doing on this piece of rock?"

Mal glanced around the dimly lit establishment, "Well there isn't really anything else going for it."

The stranger nodded, "I know what you mean, I'm more comfortable off planet, or would be if we could just get her going."

"I meant what I said a'fore, about my mechanic. She wouldn't come for free mind, but I wouldn't trust my ship with anybody else."

"Thanks for the offer, but the Millennium Falcon's pretty special to me, it just wouldn't feel right to have some stranger take a look at her."

Despite the seriousness of the strangers tone Mal started to laugh. The stranger glared at him defensively. "I'm sorry, it's... it's just… the Millennium Falcon?" His words were overtaken by more laughter until the stranger shot him a look of such venom that Mal instantly sobered up. He swallowed uncomfortably. "Just seems a mighty strange name for a ship, Mr..?"

"Solo," he offered sharply, "Han Solo."

This time Mal suppressed his laughter, "It just seems like you were grasping at straws when you named her."

Solo raised an eyebrow, "And I suppose yours has a better name."

"Serenity did seem to be the perfect name for her."

"And how did you come across that name?" Solo asked slyly, as if waiting for a chance to laugh back at Mal.

Mall took a long sip of his drink before answering, looking straight ahead he did. "Serenity Valley. There was a battle there, a terrible one, other side of the 'verse."

Solo looked surprised, "I haven't heard of it."

"You probably wouldn't have," Mal answered, shooting a sideways glance at Solo, "Not a man whose business is as classy as yours." He smiled without looking at him, pausing before continuing. "You wouldn't happen to know of any work for me and my crew?" He looked at Solo. Solo shrugged.

"Not much work for anyone around here." Solo answered. "I wouldn't stay too long either, things won't get better anytime soon."

"I don't intend to stay anywhere long, I'm happiest on the move."

"I know what that's like, although it more 'on the run' than 'on the move', if you understand."

Mal laughed, "A little too well."

The men fell silent, drinking and thinking. There was another crash from outside, another plaintive moan, a female's cry of annoyance. Solo turned to Mal, hesitated. There was another bang. Solo looked at Mal, leaned back so he didn't look to eager. "So this mechanic of yours..."

Mal arched an eyebrow.

"The best in the galaxy?"

Mal nodded. The noises from outside became more urgent, Solo turned a pained expression to the doorway then back at Mal.

"How much?"


	2. Chapter 2: Women

Two Men Walked into a Bar:

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.

Chapter 2: Women

A shadow filled the doorway behind the two men, cutting off the one clear source of light coming into the room. The shadow twisted and changed, becoming decidedly female. The men ignored it, engrossed in their drinks and conversation. Mal reached into his pockets for credits for the next round, squinting to make out the value of the coin in the dim light. The shadow wasn't moving. Mal turned to the shadow in annoyance.

The source of the shadow was just as annoyed.

"Sir?" Zoë said, half an address, half a question.

"Zoë," Mal sat back with a half smile. Han looked at Zoë lazily, but vaguely interested.

Zoë shifted her position to one shapely hip and raised an eyebrow. "Sir, I thought you were finding us work, some of the crew's getting a might jumpy just sitting."

Mal stopped smiling. "What do ya think I'm doing?" Mal exploded, then dropped his voice, "I'm doing the best I can, they'll just have to find something to occupy themselves a might longer."

"Sir, Kaylee has occupied herself by taking the engine apart."

Mal swore. "Why is she doing that!?!"

"Because another crew member has climbed inside it."

Zoë remained completely calm as Mal let out another scream of frustration. "Ain't there any sane people on my crew?!" he asked no one in particular.

"It wouldn't seem so, Sir."

Mal shot her a sideways look; he hadn't wanted an answer to that question. Zoë raised an eyebrow in reply. Han laughed gently in the corner. Mal turned his wrath on no one in particular and let off a long stream of Chinese, none of it nice. When he was finished he looked at Zoë. "Can you deal with it?"

Zoë's usually curt tone was twice as clipped in her reply. "I'll do my best, Sir, but you need to do your part as well." Mal said nothing. Zoë turned and left the bar, blocking the light completely for a minute, then she was gone, the weak light almost blinding in its sudden return.

Han smirked at Mal. "You really are having troubles."

Mal's reply was a look that would have killed a lesser man.

Han's smirk only grew bigger. "If I do hire your mechanic I doubt the job would be enough to get you off this rock."

"That's not really my main concern right now," Mal replied, "I'm more worried about getting the girl outta my engine."

Han laughed. "It seems you're surrounded by women."

"Well it does have its upsides."

Han thought about this, "such as?"

Mal was silent for perhaps too long, thinking about his answer.

"I have my hands full with just one." Han said to no one in particular.

"Aaahh, the Princess," Mal said with realization. Han all but winced at the mention of her name. "But I don't see her in here interrupting your negotiations. Or climbing in your engine… rubbing soup in people's hair… insulting your choice of cargo…" Mal was lost in his memories.

Han looked concerned. "She causes her fair share of troubles, don't you worry, in fact she's part of the reason we're out here." Han finished his drink, gestured for another, "really, soup?"

"Yes, the wild hilarity that ensues on board my boat on a regular basis." Mal looked at his empty glass in surprise, slammed it down on the counter, "because of the womenfolk," he continued. A fresh glass slid down the bar toward him, he picked it up gratefully.

"I can't say we have a lot of that on board the Falcon," Han said. Mal looked at him in confusion over his glass. "Wild hilarity," Han clarified. "Between the Princess and our other… troubles, it isn't exactly a bunch of laughs. At least you sound like you have fun."

"Yes," Mal agreed, "fun. Fun with soup, with the engine, with guns and bounty hunters and need for doctorin'. That's the kinda fun my women get me into." Han watched him, hiding a smile, Mal's defenses rose. "What about your Princess?"

"Well, she led me here, flying under the radar, with no payment, making hasty repairs on barren piece of rock at the edge of the galaxy. Not exactly the place I wanted to be."

"If you're not being paid what are you doing it for then?" Mal's voice was low, this wasn't meant as an insult.

Han stared at the bar, it was as if he barely noticed Mal sitting there. "A good cause."

"What cause?"

"It's hers… and the kids, and the old mans, I don't know if I ever really believed it."

Mal leaned forward in his chair. "Do you believe it now, now that you're halfway across the 'verse because of it?"

Han looked up from the bar, meeting his stare, started to speak. The weak light from the doorway left for a moment, flickering and changing, again the shape was female. The men turned to her, she was short but strong. "Princess," Han drawled lazily, his whole demeanor changing as she stood there, "we were just talking about you."

"Were you talking about how you were going to fix the ship?" she asked sharply.

"I'm working on it."

She was not impressed, "you're working on it? The Empire is breathing down our neck, we are stuck on this rock and you're working on it? In a bar?!" Her voice rose sharply as she spoke.

Han spun lazily around on his chair to face her, leaning back comfortably, "trust me, Princess, I'll have us off here sooner then you'd think."

The Princess was not impressed. "Really," she said, stepping closer to him, slipping easily between the two men at the bar. Han nodded. She mimicked him, swiftly picking up his drink and pouring the contents over his head. Han looked back at her in shock but she was already gone.

Mal suppressed a laugh, "now that was fun, you didn't mention that part." Han seethed back at him quietly. "At least it wasn't soup," Mal pointed out. One corner of Han's mouth rose in a slight smile , but that was all. Mal turned back to the bar. "That's the thing about women, they can be good to have around, comfortin', they'll even save your life give 'em half a chance. But you never can be sure what they're thinkin', whether their gunna pour some kind of liquid on your head."

The other corner of Han's mouth joined the smile but he stayed silent. The bar tender slid another drink across the bar toward him, "On the house," he told him, Han took the drink gratefully.

"Yep", Mal continued, "seems there's only been one girl I could ever really trust. That I can fly all over the 'verse with and know she'll never let me down."

Han nodded, "I know a girl like that."

"Speaking of," Mal turned again to look at Solo, "you settled on a price for my mechanic."


End file.
